


Living and Loving During the End of the World

by mannana



Category: The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-11-18
Updated: 2015-02-01
Packaged: 2018-02-26 04:40:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,708
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2638451
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mannana/pseuds/mannana
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Loving two men during the end of the world? She never thought something could be possible before the turn, let alone after...</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. One

The Safe Zone still felt weird, still kept everyone on edge, but there was a peace tonight that Beth hadn’t felt in ages. And finally everyone was beginning to relax.

Well almost everyone.  

Beth found herself watching Daryl pace. He reminded her of a tiger pacing back and forth behind the bars at a zoo. She felt bad for him; he was trying so hard to be what he thought everyone needed him to be. Tried so hard to relax and let this place be home. But she could see how tense he was. How nervous.

And she knew it’d never feel right to him. Knew it’d never be home like the cover of the trees were.

 

Rick sat beside her, watching her, watching her eyes move with Daryl’s steps.

 

“So, you and Daryl huh?” He said quietly with a small smile on his lips.

 

She turned to him and grinned.

 

“Yeah. Me and Daryl.” She whispered with reverence. Rick saw the light in her eyes flash a little brighter. He chuckled softly.

 

“He’s a good man.” He added.

 

“He is.” She nodded, and something, a brief look of sadness maybe, touched her eyes.

 

She turned hoping Rick wouldn’t see it.

 

“Something wrong?” His voice was so quiet she stained to hear him. And she felt something pulling in her chest, something needing to crawl out. She tried to push it away again.

 

“Not wrong, necessarily. Just thinkin’.” She shrugged, hoping he’d let it be, knowing he wouldn’t.

 

“Daryl’ll be good to you. Probably just needs time to come around. This place has him on edge. That what you’re worried about?” He said casually.

 

“No. I know he will,” She trailed off, wondering if she should just say what was going on in her head.

 

“Just remembering stuff. From before,” She added and turned to look Rick in the eyes again.

 

She grabbed Ricks hand without even really meaning to. She threaded her fingers between his and held them tight.

 

He cocked his eyebrow in confusion, but didn’t let go.

 

“Thought things would be different. How we all ended up.” She looked at their hands, hoping he’d understand.

 

He did.

 

They sat in silence for a long moment, eyes locked on one another before she spoke again.

 

“Did you think about me while I was gone?” She whispered.

 

Rick nodded and was ready to speak, but she started to ramble.

 

 

“I thought of two people. Two. I should feel like shit for it. But I knew Maggie was okay. I knew it, deep in my heart. She didn’t need my prayers. She had Glenn. She’s tough as nails. She was okay. Ya know?” She took a deep breath, letting a gentle laugh escape.

She turned to watch Daryl again, “Daryl was on my mind twenty four seven.” She sighed, a small smile playing at her lips, remembering the weeks they’d spent together. “Telling me I was strong enough. Reminding me what I needed to do. He taught me a lot…” She turned her eyes back to Rick’s, squeezed his finger a little tighter, “But then, when there were a few quiet moments, it was you…”

Her eyes held his, radiating all the things she just couldn’t say.

 

“I told myself it was because of Judith, that I just missed her. That I missed you like I missed everyone else. But…” She shook her head, not letting the rest of the words come out. She chewed on her bottom lip, guilt written clearly on her face, and tears filling her eyes.

 

“I know, sweetheart. I know.” He rumbled and ran his thumb over her knuckles.

 

“I think I love him.” She said suddenly, her voice a little louder. Her eyes had found Daryl’s. He had stopped pacing and was smiling at her, chewing on his thumb nervously.

 

“I think it’s a mutual feeling Beth.” Rick whispered and squeezed her hand before he pulled free.

 

“I wanted to love you.” She turned her body completely towards him. “I think I do, actually.” She laughed softly and shook her head. “I’m sorry. I shouldn't say that...”

 

“Nothin’ to be sorry about,” He stood to leave, leaned in and kissed her forehead. “Feel the same.” He whispered against her skin and walked to where Judith was sleeping.

 

Beth’s heart hurt. Loving two men during the end of the world wasn’t something she’d ever expected to happen.


	2. Two

Beth had woken up every morning next to Daryl for the past two months. She confided in him the silly thoughts swimming in her mind, seen him off to work, and then readied herself for the day.

 

It was simple. It was their routine.

 

She wasn't surprised to find Daryl’s head nestled on her stomach that morning. His arms wrapped almost too tightly around her middle, and his hot breath on her skin where her shirt had pulled up during the night. She smiled to herself, and ran her fingers through his hair, hoping to stir him a little and loosen his grip.

 

He’d been like this all week. Holding her too tight while they slept. But she didn’t mind. She knew he was still afraid she would disappear, and if him holding her made him feel better, and she got to feel his body so close to hers every night, she wasn't about to complain.

 

“You and Rick?” He mumbled sleepily and pecked a quick kiss near her belly button.

 

“No, not me and Rick.” She hushed him, brushing his hair back from his sleepy eyes once he raised his head.

 

He smiled. It was a small smile, a tiny smile, one that anyone else wouldn't have seen. But she did.

 

“He’s probably better for ya.” He whispered as his eyes filled with worry.

 

“No one’s better for me.” She swept her fingers over his cheek, to his jaw, and pulled him closer to her face.

 

Daryl and Beth hadn't kissed much. Hadn't gone any further than that either. But he’d become less and less nervous these past few kisses, so she knew he wouldn't resist now.

 

Their lips touched for just a few moments, tongues sliding together for just a second, before he pulled away shyly.

She loved the blush that crept up his neck whenever she touched him, whenever she kissed him or hugged a little longer than needed.

 

“I want you to be happy, Beth.” He ducked into her neck, hiding the fear in his eyes from her. But she knew it was there.

 

“I am happy. Happier than I’ve ever been.” She spoke into his ear softly, kissed the top and tugged on his hair gently to make him look at her.

 

He looked at her a long while, barely breathing. She could see his thoughts screaming behind his eyes, the confusion and doubt, but he stayed silent. He finally touched her cheek, grazing gently over the scar there with his thumb, before he kissed her forehead.

 

“Ya should be with Rick…” He finished with a nervous nod and crawled out of the bed.

 

She sighed to herself as he left the room and laid in bed while he showered. She must have fallen back asleep because he was long gone once she crawled out of bed.

 

 

 

 

The day felt different as she tugged her belt tight on her waist. She checked to make sure all her gear was intact, and then shoved her radio into place on her hip, but her thoughts were jumbled and her nerves were shot. She felt like Daryl had the night before. A caged animal ready to break free from its confines at any second.

 

Daryl left a cup of coffee on the table for her like he did every morning, and she almost cried when she saw it.

 

He was so sweet to her, even when he was being grumpy and rude, his eyes were always kind. Always seeking her approval. Always telling her how he felt.

 

She thought of Rick for a moment then. The way his eyes always bored into hers. How he could read her the way she could Daryl.

 

She sighed again, her thoughts were all over the place. 

 

She drank the coffee down quickly, she was sure she’d never get used to the taste, regardless of how much sugar she dumped into it.   

 

“Beth, ya ready?” Rick’s voice came over the radio.

 

“Sure thing, Sheriff.” She chirped and walked out the door.


	3. Three

Beth had routine at work as well. After she and Rick walked to the meeting station, she would go over the routes for each guard for the day. She would hand out weapons to everyone, because no one besides Rick was allowed to carry, and then remind the men and women what to watch for after she went over the specific calls to make on the radio.

 

“No more blurting out about the drunk guy on 5th. We all know he’s there, and no reason to block up the signal with stuff like that. Code Black means breach, means walkers are inside the walls. Remember that, because a hole in the fence is not a code black unless Walkers are actually inside, John.” She winked at the new guard who’d nearly caused a panic last week. He blushed and nodded.

 

“These codes are for our safety. All hell can break loose in a second from nothing more than the wrong code being called. If you don’t remember the code, call Rick on the other radio. He’s our Sheriff for a reason.” She smiled at him then. He was pinned to the back wall, watching her conduct the meeting. Waiting for her to finish so they could make their rounds. 

 

 

Every morning was similar to this. And once they began to walk through the doors of the station, making their way to their first stop, she would sometimes remind Rick why she thought he was crazy for wanting her to take this job.

 

_“Can’t think of anyone better…”_ He’d always say, with that smile that warmed her.

 

Rick had fought to get her the job, and Beth was grateful for that. While she would have been happy staying back with Judith, or being assigned as a teacher, this job felt like a real job. Made her feel important.

 

It helped the way Rick would look at her too. His eyes always seemed to seek hers during their meeting, always after their shift, always while they walked home.

 

She thought a lot of the differences between his eyes and Daryl’s.

 

Daryl had beautiful eyes that carried every emotion he felt. Eyes that only softened for her. Eyes that could instill fear into his enemies, or make a woman weak in the knees. And he didn’t even realize he did it (at least the weak in the knees part).

 

Rick, on the other hand, his eyes were steel. Hard and bold. The kind that blocked his emotions but would put the fear of God in anyone who crossed him. His eyes made her just as weak as Daryl’s did, but in such a dramatically different way. And he knew damn well what he was doing.

 

 

 

The meeting station was a small brick building just two blocks from the apartment the group shared. Their walk had been silent this time though, no idle chit chat, no bets on what their major “incident” of the day would involve.  He hardly even looked at her, and she was sure it was because of her admission the night before.

 

The meeting went quickly and soon they were walking down main street.

 

“This how it’s gonna be now?” She asked nervously, fully expecting him to ignore her question.

 

He smiled but didn’t turn to her, just kept walking.

 

“Was just thinking maybe I’d find you a new partner. John needs more training, you’d be good with him.”

 

Her legs stopped moving at the same time her heart did.

 

“Absolutely not.” Her voice raised, her hands instantly moved to her hips, and her eyes were wide when he finally looked at her.

 

“Beth,” He begun, but she continued.

 

“You’re not pushing me away too!” She barked. And he swore she would have stomped her foot had they not been in public. He almost laughed, but the look in her eyes stopped him.

 

“I’m not. We just need to get more of these guards on top of their game. John’s horrible, he needs training.” He said quietly, hoping nobody would hear.

 

“Bullshit.”

 

“Beth,” He reached out to her, but she backed away.

 

“I’m gonna go check the main wall, and then stop by the garage.” She sighed and walked away, leaving Rick alone in the middle of the street.

 

 

 

 

The wall was well built and sturdy. There were three guards on duty, John included, and they were armed to the teeth. She had no reason to need to check, but she had to get away from Rick, she couldn’t let him push her away too. Daryl’s words were still ringing in her ears as it was. And she couldn’t go to Daryl yet; he only took a small break in the afternoon, so she walked slowly and let her mind wander.

 

She kicked at the rocks on the street and listened to the never ending noise that a “town” made. She wasn’t sure she’d ever grow accustomed to the sound again. She missed the sound of the wind through the trees, the owls hooting at night, Daryl snoring beside her…

 

She sighed.

 

Daryl was everything she wanted. Strong and brave and a little wild. His hands were rough but felt feather light on her cheeks when he would hold her face before he kissed her. (Even if it had only happened once so far, she was sure it’d be something he did all the time) His eyes always held a hint of sadness, but they were beautiful. He could tell her everything without uttering a single word. He made her feel strong too. Taught her to hunt and track and how to survive on her own. That was huge to her. And seeing his satisfied grin when she’d remember his lessons?

 

She really loved him.

 

So the thoughts running through her mind right now shouldn’t be happening. She shouldn’t be wanting to rush back to Rick and make things right. Tell him he’s an idiot for pushing her away when all she wants to do is kiss him.

 

But she knew why. Rick was the one. He’d stolen her heart long before Daryl Dixon. He had rooted himself inside her chest eons ago at the prison. All those late nights tending to his infant daughter surely would have had some sort of effect on her. So why should she be surprised it was still there? Still perking up and nipping in her chest?

 

“Beth,” Her radio chirped and she almost ignored it. But Rick wouldn’t call just to get her attention. Something had to be going on.

 

“What?” She snipped.

 

“Heading back to station, Elliott’s hurt. Gonna need your help.”

 

She sighed heavily and thought of scaling the wall.

 

“I could run.” She whispered to herself. But she knew they’d both come looking for her. Both fighting to get her back. And what would be the point of that?

 

“Be there in a minute.” She sighed into the radio and headed back towards the station.


	4. Four

"Gonna stay in Maggie's room." Beth said that night and escaped before Daryl could ask why.

 

She heard him mumble "good night" before the door closed.

 

 

She cried. She couldn't help it. The tears had been there for months, waiting for the right moment to escape. So the never ending waterfall down her face wasn't surprising really. Even if they weren't all for Daryl, or Rick.

 

"You gonna tell me what's going on? Or should I just go kick his ass?" Maggie tried to joke, but only made Beth cry harder.

 

"I'm stupid, Maggie." She sniffled.

 

"I already know that." Maggie laughed again and rubbed Beth's shoulder, "Seriously, what's wrong Bethy?"

 

"Being here. It's too much. I can't be around so many people, I can't stand to be in this house. I feel stuck and lost and I want to scream. And half the time I'm thinking about Daryl, wondering if he's okay. If he's going to ever settle down here, ever feel okay. And then Rick's got me doing so much, and he just looks at me like...like..."

 

Beth punched the pillow beside her.

 

"I love them Maggie. I don't know what to do..." She sighed.

 

Maggie finally let out the real laugh she'd been holding back.

 

"Oh Beth," She giggled and pulled her into her arms. "You've done better here than anyone else! Even Rick hasn't adjusted to this place like you have. I'd say you could take his job as Sheriff easily." She snorted.

 

"They love you too." She added a moment later, her face turning sincere. "We all do."

 

And Beth knew right then her sister didn't understand. Not even a little bit. And she knew that she couldn't say it out loud either. She couldn't get the words past her lips, the confession.

 

She sighed again and hugged Maggie tighter.

 

"I know you all do. I'm just really tired, and held all this crying in for too long....probably PMS'ing." She covered with a weak laugh.

 

 

 

 

Daryl didn't question her in the morning. Just left her cup of coffee on the table like normal and left for work.

 

She didn't turn her radio on until she stepped out the front door.

 

Rick wasn't waiting for her.

 

 

"Mornin’, Ms. Greene," John beamed at her from the sidewalk. "I tried pagin' ya. Guess you forgot to turn your radio on..."

 

"Morning John." She couldn't contain the bitterness to her voice. It wasn't his fault, but she couldn't exactly say she was happy to see him.

 

"Rick said maybe we should do rounds this morning, he's taking care of the meeting. Said he wants to get me trained."

 

"I bet he did..." Beth mumbled and took her place next to the unfamiliar man.

 

To say she felt awkward would be an understatement. She didn't know how to train this man, what things to explain to him.

Which was a lie, really, she knew exactly what she should be saying to him. What things Rick would want her to make sure he understood. She just couldn't give a rat’s ass right then. So instead she let him do the rounds and check in on certain people he thought needed to be checked on.

 

Maybe she would ask Rick to demote her…

 

 

 

The day was uneventful. She didn't see Rick or Daryl at all that morning. Part of it was their avoidance, the other hers. She didn't want to face either of them right now. And she wasn't sure what to say even if she did.

 

But John liked to talk. He filled her ears with stories from before, when he was a college kid trying to determine his major. He told her about his wife, who died just before the turn, how he was happy she never got to see this mess.  How he'd wanted to have kids and three dogs and somewhere along the line she stopped listening. Her mind filled with dark blue eyes, and soft smiles.

 

He must have noticed because they fell into an uncomfortable silence shortly after their third stop.

 

It gave her a chance to dwell on those eyes. The ones that kept invading her thoughts.

 

And then she stopped dead in her tracks, the realization from those eyes causing her body frozen in place. Which, of course caused John to panic.

 

"What's wrong? Beth?" He twisted and twirled searching for a disturbance. If she wasn't so distracted by her thoughts she would have laughed at him.

 

"Rick, something's wrong. Code blue?" John hollered into his radio.

 

Code Blue was a medical emergency.

 

"Damn it, John." Beth sighed. "Rick, we're fine. Cancel code blue." She bit into her radio and turned it off.

 

"Go back to the station." She ordered, "Tell Rick I need a minute. When I get back we can start trainin'." She turned to walk away before he could argue.

 

 

 

She didn't stop at the garage like she normally did after her morning rounds, just glanced inside the open door and caught a glimpse of Daryl's legs from underneath a van. She watched him for a while, his feet moving and twisting as he worked, from the cover of a small tree. But soon he was moving from under the van and caught her eye just as she was about to turn and walk away.

 

He sat, with a wrench in his greasy hand, a nervous smile on his face and a question in his eyes, waiting for her to approach.

 

And she wondered if the fluttering in her stomach was real.

 

And without another thought, she marched towards him. He stood up quickly to greet her but before he could even say hello she pushed her lips to his.

 

It was a test. A stupid test. A plea to prove he didn't want to push her away, that he didn't want her to be with Rick, a kiss to tell her her feelings for Rick weren't real.

 

She expected him to push her away fast. To say "What the hell is wrong with you, girl?" in embarrassment. And maybe that would have been her answer, the thing she needed to figure this mess out.

 

But he didn't.

 

Instead his greasy fingers threaded into her hair instantly and pulled her as close as possible. His tongue dove into her mouth, and he grunted as he shoved her against the van.

 

But just as fast as he responded to her kiss, he pulled away. Leaving her panting and confused more than ever.

 

"I missed you." He whispered. And she felt tears springing into her eyes once again.

 

"I was only gone for one night, Daryl." She smirked and tried to peel herself away.

 

"That's too long." His voice was rough, but his eyes were so soft and so nervous it broke her heart.

 

It shattered it to be honest. Because his eyes weren't the ones she'd been thinking about all morning.


End file.
